Dovetails --- Ever notice how lead stories in a newspaper dovetail into each other, giving you a between-the-lines insight? Today's LA Times had articles on America sending troops to wartorn (i.e., completely fucked up and dangerous) Liberia, a $25 Million (that could rise to $55 Million) bounty placed on Saddam Hussein, and the highest unemployment level in 9 years.

What's all that tell you? Our economy is in the shitter and we're still fucking around overseas blowing money at ghosts. We're going to send in more soldiers with targets painted on their backs so that we can control a cesspool/quagmire/deathtrap like Liberia. Didn't anyone see "Blackhawk Down"? You think those people will hand out daisies to our soldiers, or something like that? The Big Picture is that our country is doing everything wrong at once. Our foreign policy is a ramshackle mess, our economic policy at home is an unequivocated disaster, and our priorities are ass-backwards. Remember this shit next year when we have another election! Throw the bums out!

#1 Movie In America! --- Sounds pretty grand, does it not? What's behind the hype and the opening weekend box office madness? Recent "hits" like Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle have been enjoying the warmth and sun of the studio hype machine, but the numbers tell a different story. The production budget (always reported lower than the actual costs) was $120 Million, and the estimated marketing costs are $40 Million, for a total of $160 Million. To date, CA:FT has "raked in" $47 Million, leaving an approximate deficit of $113 Million. That's a pretty big hit on your credit card.

Also keep in mind that the money that is secured to finance films must be paid back with interest, and that interest runs about $2 Million per month, for a film with a $100 Million price tag. This weekend, Terminator 3 opens, to much hoopla. It's production budget is a whopping $200 Million, with a $40 Million advertising campaign. Again, both of those figures are far lower than reality. Straight out of the gate, T3 is down $240 Million, at least. Approximately half of the box office cume goes to the production studio, so for T3 of Charlie's Angels to really start making money for the studios, they have to do a domestic box office of $480 Million (T3) and $320 Million (Charlie's Angels).

When you add in ancilliary markets (cable, video rentals, foreign, etc) over the long haul, sometimes these monster budget movies become profitable. Sometimes. In the meantime, the studios and the stars will trumpet that they had the #1 Movie In America! When really what they should be trumpeting is, "We're still $200 Million in debt on this movie, please go see it!" Due to the Box Office As A Pissing Contest mentality, though, many good films have short theatrical runs to make way for the next big opening weekend. Then next year, the studios will make more of the big "blockbuster" movies and skip the smaller, more intelligent, less widely skewing, cheaper, more profitable films. The BO Pissing Contest is good for the producers and executives, but bad for the studios' financial wellbeing and ultimately, bad for the Movies in general.

They could have made a handful of intelligent films with that $240 Million they spent on T3, like maybe 6 decent movies. Why is any of this important? Because I miss being excited by movies. I miss going to the cinemas every weekend when there used to be something worth seeing. I'm sick of no-talent shmoes like Drew Barrymore and Arnold Schwarzenputz making millions of dollars by acting in pieces of crap, and then having the world try to give them head because their movies are "hits" instead of the accounting nightmares they really are. I'm also revolted at the idea of a movie like T3 launching a political career, never mind what a diehard rightwing conservative nut Schwarzie is. Fuck! The whole thing pisses me off.

Zola Goes Home --- Gianfranco Zola, the 36 year old striker that has been one of the most cunning strikers in the English Premiere League, has formally left his London club Chelsea and will be returning home to Italy. First Beckham, now Zola. My favorite teams are being depleted!

Sea Monsters! --- Off the coast of Chile, a 36 foot wide sea creature was found washed up on the beach. Scientists are currently baffled. They say they can't tell what the creature is, although it might be parts of a giant squid or some unknown species. See it here.

America, Land Of Plenty --- Everything is perfect now in America. Everyone has health care, every school is modern and well supplied, crime is almost non-existant, poverty is a distant memory, civil rights are at an all time high, and the environment has never been healthier. Yes, things are looking so good that we have decided to blow some of our surplus cash on a New Hypersonic Bomber! That's right, since every other domestic woe has been nullified, we have to spend that cash on something, it's burning a hole in our pocket. It can deliver nuclear annihilation anywhere in the world in under two hours! Two whole hours! Who needs all that extra time for thinking, weighing options, etc? That's for pussies! We want Instant Annihilation! Instant Retribution! Instant Karma!

Madness, American Style --- A new movie entitled "The Cooler," received an NC-17 rating for a brief scene showing Maria Bello's pubic hair. It's okay to show guns, murders, bombings, explosions, and any number of hyper-violent scenes, but show some pubes...WHAM! Down comes the MPAA's rating that will essentially prevent your film from being shown. Read about that one, here. Why is that here in America we are so afraid of sex and sexuality? Why do we embrace violence and death, and run like scared rabbits whenever someone is trying to get their freak on? Email us some mothafuckin' answers, here. What really bugs me is that Maria Bello didn't have the fashion sense to shave herself clean in the first place...

Kate Hepburn, Actress --- Kate Hepburn was old and appeared in about 60 movies. Read that jive, here, from LA Times ("the bitch-rag of the radical right wing").During that time, she made a shitload of money and had a really easy fucking life. As she got older and won Oscars and gained Hollywood power, she became a tough as nails ballbreaking bitch. As everyone who succeeds in Hollywood becomes. Lots of hot air being spewed lately on Kate's contributions to the world and all that bull, but in reality, what did she actually do for anyone? People identify with screen personalities because of some odd voyeuristic thrill and because sometimes they are actually entertaining. I'll give Kate her ability to entertain. Beyond that? Did she devote her time raising millions of dollars for charity? Um, no, that's what Paul Newman has been doing. Did she spend her life advocating a worthy cause? No, that was Audrey Hepburn, who was the spokeswoman for UNICEF for nearly 60 years. Did Kate give an example of "independence, and strong female assertiveness" to the world? Um, I'd say that was probably the writer who came up with those clever ripostes and stinging rejoinders. At least Kate was a role model for America: she dumped her first husband the moment her career took off, dismissed feminists and their ambitions as "wanting it all," and she took up with a married man (Spencer Tracy) and openly threw the affair in the face of Tracy's long-suffering wife. Not calling out the Morality Police here, folks, just saying that an actress died. If you liked her in movies, I can dig it but stop eulogizing her like she was the holy sainted mother of jesus or something!

Geography Textbook For Mr Berlusconi --- Someone please donate an up to date geography text to the European Union. Incoming EU President Silvio Berlusconi (hot from his bribery corruption scandal in Italy) has stated a goal of adding Turkey, Russia, and Israel to the EU. Turkey, Russia and Israel are not in Europe! That's what the "European" part means. Berlusconi is a Bush-man all the way. You could call him Bush's fluffer, if you want a good analogy, although Tony Blair is desperately hanging onto that gig for the moment. Read about Mr B's big fame, here.

Hunting Banned In England And Wales --- The British parliament succeeded in banning hunting with dogs. Nice one, fellas. This longstanding tradition of a bunch of upperclass twits riding on horses while their dogs chase foxes released right in front of the hunting pack, is a tradition best left abandoned on the rubbish heap of history alongside child labour and slavery. Read the BBC report here. The only thing I love reading more than hunting being banned, is reading about hunting accidents. Poncing off into the forest with guns and a bunch of drunken mates, what did you think would happen, you fucking twat?

Hunting is bullshit.

The New York Times has it right again. Not a statement you would expect out of our usually jumpstarted media opinion, but the NYT is surprisingly cognizant when it comes to pointing out media flaws. Anyway, back to the point - today's edition of the New York Times includes an interesting and partially scathing look at the movie/music industry and how it relates to it's biggest threat - the Harry Potter books. Before you go jumping all over me for generalizing, read about it here. Oh, and while you're at it, sign up for their daily headlines email - you'd be surprised at what you might learn.

[Editor's note: maybe we want to jump all over you...]