THE FUCKING WORLD CUP IS OVER.

After so much hope and expectation, the 2006 World Cup has at last ended, new winners have been crowned, new heroes and new villains have been minted, and the cup itself ended not with a bang, but a headbutt.

The Cup was not without its controversial moments. Take your pick. Was it the un-fucking-believable 16 yellow cards handed out in one match by some dickless referee who mistakenly thought everyone was there to see him reach into his pocket?

Was it the head-hanging shamelessness Portugal displayed in every match? They earned more yellow card cautions than any other country. Don't forget to add that clip of Holland's Arjen Robben getting a cleated boot in his chest that spun him around - and no whistle! - when you tally up Portugal's crimes. The funny thing was Holland was the side that got dinged for being so thuggish. Just goes to show you that when the partisan knives are out, no one is safe from being carved up like a Thanksgiving turkey.

Or was the most controversial moment when Wayne Rooney stomped Carvalho's nuggets into the ground and THEN had his Manchester United teammate Cristiano "Someone Fucking Punch Me In The Face" Ronaldo ran 30 yards to beg the referee to give Rooney a straight red card? Rooney's play sunk the Good Ship England. It was some consolation when Germany dismantled the hapless, diving, cheating Portugal side in the 3rd place match.

Sticking with the Portugal theme, was it the headbutt delivered by Luis Figo that went unpunished (although spotted on replay, just like Zizou's famous sending off moment), or was it Big "Idiot" Phil Scolari not starting Figo in his final match but then subbing him in at the 75th minute, coincidentally the exact moment Portugal looked like a real team?

There were plenty of fucked-up moments to go around, including entire matches stifled and bungled by over-zealous or incompetent referees. The USA v. Italy match comes to mind, when 3 players were sent off. How is this shit possible? If you watch an entire season at club level you might witness 2 or 3 red cards in 40 matches. This World Cup was showering reds and yellows like there was a bounty paid each time a card was flashed. Ridiculous!

Or what about the Togo dipshits refusing to play unless they were paid $34,000 each? They made it to the World Cup finals and then held their country hostage. What a bunch of shits. Glad to see them crash out.

Don't forget English referee Graham Poll giving one player 3 yellow cards. That was rad. I remember Poll sucking mightily from some of his performances in the EPL last year. That dude never saw a foul on a United player, isn't that odd?

The England Hype Machine crashed to an ignominious end, and with it, Beckham's hopes of every lifting the Cup. For all the bullshit thrown around by fans of the EPL, it became obvious pretty fast that the England side did not have the bottle when they squeaked out victories due to Beckham freekicks and Peter "Bambi" Crouch yanking some rastafarians' dreadlocks illegally. Michael Owen broke his shit yet again, and is anyone surprised and does anyone care? For his remarkable goals tally, Owen sure is one boring-ass player to watch.

Last but not least, President Zizou pissed away millions of dollars and hearts full of love by headbutting the (clownish goon) Materezzi. Go to YouTube and watch a clip reel of Materezzi being a violent thug. What caused Zidane to lose his shit in the biggest game of his career? Who knows, but that little shitweasel Materezzi got to lift the trophy at the end of the match, so that's all that really matters. Zidane was getting fitted for his alcove in the church of football, and now he's out on the sidewalk with the rest of the punters, although, if "Cokey" Maradona can be lionized, why not Zidane.

The final between France and Italy was anything but a classic. For the tenth or twentieth time this cup, the better team did not win. Anyone who says Italy outplayed France is Italian, full stop. France just couldn't put the fucking baguette in the basket. Not that the Italians were bad but they possessed none of the wizardry or beauty of past Cup winning Italian sides. To their credit, however, there were no Row Q shots from the penalty spot, a la Baggio.

The Italians were at times brilliant but mostly merely workmanlike. They ground out their victories by absorbing attacks and unleashing deadly counters, like in the match against Germany. Almost nothing is better than watching that prize-winning douchebag Jens Lehmann get scored on, and the 2 that got past him that night were real beauties. Luca Toni emerged as a new hero, as did Fabio Cannavaro who single-handedly kept the Krauts out of the net. Maybe this Italian side had the fewest number of bonafide stars but they did get the job done.

We also saw many countries get their first taste of the finals, including a plucky Australia who only got dumped out of the tournament through some blatantly shitty diving, Italian style. Tim Cahill famously came off the bench and netted 2 goals in a matter of minutes. Of course, pony-tailed shitbird Harry Kewell had to have a go at a ref, but that's primadonnas for you. They should be proud of how far they got and equally bitter that they were beaten by treachery, not talent.

The Asian powerhouses proved to be anything but, although when Japan was up 1-0 on Brazil it was a moment of awesome beauty, and you didn't even have to like sushi to feel pride in that accomplishment. Anyone who saw the Korea v. France game knows that France won that match by a shot on goal that was a good 2 feet over the line, but the modern technology of instant replay was unavailable, so they settled for a draw.

The weak showings by Asia and then the early exits of all South American teams is further grist for the mill that says Fifa should restructure their qualifying groups or something.

There were also some stinging defeats and general ass-kickings handed out, like Argentina's 6-0 rout of Serbia-Montenegro and the USA's limp-dick display against the Czechs. No one is going to fear us if we continue to play such boring, predictable, powerless football. Maybe that's as far as Arena can take a team, because he sure did not appear to know what the fuck was going on when it counted. Playing Jones with a yellow? Not using our subs when we were down to 9 men? What the fuck!

Now the Cup is over and I have no life. European leagues start up around August 19th, and unless C. Ronaldo is on his way to Spain, I'm not watching Man Utd this season - I can't bear the aggravation. A month with no football...